School makes my mind focus on other things instead of the problems. But the moment I left the place, there you.  Everything came back to my head. And when I think about it, it hurt me a lot.

The whole day I kept checking my phone Whatsapp if his name appear. Nehh. Nothing.

All I can do is to pray to soften his heart and come back looking for me. 

I was kind enough to out aside my ego last night and texted him first but it ended with horrible conversation. :'(

And here I am, keep reminding myself not to text him. No... I'm not ego. I'm just trying to fulfil his request. Orang dah tk sudi kan. 

And earlier on, I saw smth online that hurt me . So much of his new recently added friends. And mostly are girls. Sigh. That is why my heart and mind is not in peace yet. Worst still I'm not even in his friend's list. These girls are like damn gorgeous or sexy. And there you go.....INSECURITIES. SIGH!!! How the hell he wants to convince me that I belong to him, when he's still not ready for it? 

How long I can wait? Or how far I can go and patience.

All his requests now have been fulfilled by me. 

Can't meet up often, no call ( our last long convo was like monthssssss ago) , and now he wants me not to text him every hour. Is this call r'ship guys? Is this fair for me? 

Actually he's not bad after all. He is sweet and romantic guy. Full of surprises. Loves to make jokes just to make me smile or happy. The helmet he bought for me, the bouquet of flowers he delivered to my doorstep, his surprise delivery of foods, those times he fetched and sent me to work, accompanied me to sent items for my customers. EVERYTHING. 

I know he's trying to change slowly. And yes! I saw the changes. That's why I'm still waiting for him, have faith in him to change to a more better man. The expression of his love to me is undescribeable. It applies to me too. 

For this case, I did lots of mistakes too. I realise Im being so demanding and over protective. Guys hate that,am I right? He have been so patience with me. Handle me when I was in crazy,moody.The frustration, upset and mad at him. 

On my. I really can't describe how much I love him :')

I love his eyes, his cheeky smiles, the moment he sulked, the way he kiss my forehead and lips. 

They way he hold my hands. The way he looked into my eyes, said the 3 words and there was tears in his eyes. The way how he fulfill my craving and I will smile like an idiot. I love how he stared to those men who secretly looked at me. The way he asked me to choose the foods that I wish to eat. The way he said my choice of the foods always taste marvellous than his. And before I had my first bite of the foods or the taste of the drink, he would drink or eat them first. Why? The reason he gave , " check Kalau Ada Poison"  ^^ the way he giving me hint to Pujok him. The way he showed me his sweat, and I wiped them off. 

I'm trying my best to change. Anyway, Im not that good for him. I hurt him too. 

I may not be the best girlfriend in this world. I may not be his first girlfriend. But I wanna be his last gf.

Aku ingin menjadi halal buat mu.

In shaa Allah.